Cooking

First, he taught you how to smoke. Now, he's trying to raise your sodium levels. That guy Popeye never was a great influence but man oh man did he know how to have fun. While modeling your life after Popeye might not be the wisest idea, let the Sailor bring some of his flavor into your kitchen.

You can't fight uncoordinated Foot ninja on an empty stomach. While you can easily have pizza for breakfast, dinner, and lunch, it's not a bad idea to change it up once in a while. Waffles are like the pizza of breakfast. It's the same general shape, you flood it with the sauce of your choice, and top it off with whatever you're craving. Beat that.

Are you still using plastic? How 2019. Reusable and sustainable alternatives are just all the rage right now. If you don't want to be canceled on TikTok or vilified on the streets of social media, it's best you make some drastic changes in your daily routines. Using reusable food wrap would be a great start.

This is one of those times where you seriously question why you ever settled for anything less. Tongs are great are holding things but ruin any soft meats. Spatulas are perfect for flipping burgers but good like trying to hold anything with it. Ladies and gentleman, may I reduce the clutter in your condensed kitchens with this: the spatula tong.

The chicken is done! Quick, call the kitchen crusader! (Bat Signal turns on) and seemingly out of nowhere you appear, oven mitts already on, to take care of that juicy mound of protein slowly drying away in the oven. Steam billows out as you dive in despite the smoldering heat to valiantly carry your chicken dinner up onto the safety of the counter. Phew, that was a close one. It's a good thing you had the Bat Signal to let you know when you'll be needed.

Hunt down those pies and mercilessly slice em up and feed em to your master--the grumbling Stomachus. With authentic sound bits, like Boba's famous "as you wish" line, you'll truly enjoy every level of eating a pizza, up until the inevitable self-loathing.

Everyone knows once you find a good bottle of wine, one is never enough. What better way to find that perfect bottle than to have a curated case shipped to your door. Try premium bottles of wine you would never have even crossed your mind. Who knows. you might just find a new favorite.

To eat pizza, or not to eat pizza? What a useless question. The answer is always pizza. And who better to borrow the perfect pizza recipes from than the lean, green pizza demolishing machines that are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So that settles it, it's Pizza Time!

It's easy to fall into a routine. End work, pour yourself a glass of wine, finish the bottle, go to bed without any regrets, wake up, and repeat. A perfect routine, you say, but there is still room for improvement. Rather than pouring the same bottle of red every night, change it up with a specially curated box of wines meant to make your night sublime.

CBD, the magical compound found in marijuana that gives you all it's great pain relieving benefits without turning you into a hippie. Don't just take our word for it. It's science. As the great Greta Thunberg once said, listen to the science.

Soon, it'll be summertime. The weather will get warmer and our appetites will crave more cool, juicy melons. As you ogle at that plump watermelon on the picnic table, a somber thought crosses your mind. You're too uncoordinated and weak to slice that melon alone. Worry not, Fruit Ninja failure, for if the katana was not for you, than this is.

Ever wonder why your home-made kebabs never come out like they do at your favorite Mediterranean restaurant? It's not just that they have a better recipe and are better cooks than you, although that may be true. It's also because you aren't using the right tools. The rotisserie is the secret, and it's time you realized it.

Happy hour at home just got a lot more enticing. No measuring, no thinking, just drinking. All you have to do is pop in the capsule you want, set the strength that you can handle, and voila. Just because there's no one to cut you off doesn't mean it's a free-for-all. But then again, it is your home.

One problem with buying a large stock of drinks is not having enough space to keep them in your fridge. Instead of playing Tetris on those thin shelves or daring to quickly pop them in the freezer, just use a Chill-O-Matic for cool drinks on demand.

Get those perfect, restaurant-style fries without endangering society and going outside. In just minutes, you'll have pristinely cut potatoes ready to be cooked and devoured, and you can pat yourself on the back for doing it all yourself.

You've already bought enough food supplies to start your own little restaurant, so might as well make one mondo-sized meal that'll last your small family of four for weeks. This industrial drum does all the work. You just need to load it with all those ingredients you over-bought.

Instead of stock-piling a year's worth of spinach that will inevitably go bad in a month, buy just as much as you need and keep it fresh as ever with your Herb Saver. Yes, it works with any herb, not just spinach. If you really need that much food on demand, maybe consider gardening?

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