- Editor's Choice
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- JUN 3, 2019
Has someone in your life recently become a father for the first time? Well then buckle up; dad jokes are coming. Dad jokes are the result of using comedy as an emotional self-defence mechanism to hide themselves from their new-found reality. Over the years, it develops into a standard form as they lose sight of their once youthful and in-touch-with-time souls, and fully adopt the moniker dad. It's truly a sorrowing sight, to see a once majestic being dwindled down into a lump of fatherhood, known as the dad bod. It doesn't have to be this way for every father. There is hope for change, and that change can be brought by you, in the form of a gift. Save a new dad today.
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The most daunting task of bearing a new child, is the inevitable ass wipe. They neglected protection before, give them some now.
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Kids may be small, and cuddly, but do not forget; all that chubby goodness carries a good chunk of weight. The fate of this child literally rests on her fathers shoulders.
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Taking care of a child is a full-time job. He already have another full-time job. If my calculations are correct, the mathematical possibilty of having any free time is naught. Not if you can free up their hands.
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A good cup of joe will get you ready to go. But coffee takes time to make. Help reduce some mundane task that can take care of themselves, unlike a baby.
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Another great way to speed up the morning madness. With a confused child wailing louder than the red rooster, and no snooze button in sight, the mornings can be utter chaos. Almost enough chaos to make them miss the most important meal of the day.
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Many parenting books advise new parents to seek some alone time away from the kid. Allow them to flee far, far away from their bundle of joy while still letting them feel like responsible parents for keeping an eye on the kids.
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If regular coffee just doesn't cut it anymore, then its time for the big guns. And by big guns, we mean the Mother Of All, sorry, Father Of All Bombs. Don't be mixing too much of this in those self-stirring mugs.
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Kids are expensive. And they've only just started to empty wallets. There's still a good 18 years of debt inducing mischeif to manage. This turns into a lot of penny pinching and really squeezing every last bit out of the budget. We mean every. last. bit.
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Alcohol and fatherhood are as synonomous as dad jokes and a hairy belly. It's probably how most of the better dad jokes are created. Of course drinking at home with your kid is a no go. Your boss doesn't usually allow it either, but what he doesn't know can't hurt em.
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Time is literally of the essence. At least let them appear to be under control of their lives by taming the wild shrubbery invading their face as they slip further down into despair.
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Technology is truly amazing. Like a snooze button for your little human alarm clock. Turn this baby on watch both babies fall right back to sleep.
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Everyone needs this book. If not for anything else, for the love of humanity.
